I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
