she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
