i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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