Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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