he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
