I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
