my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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