He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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