ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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