question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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