She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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