i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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