I feel great
I just peed on a car
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
