The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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