There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
