I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
