My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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