quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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