If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
