You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
