You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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