Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
