I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
