I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you mean i was at the winter classic?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
