Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
