i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
