Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
