just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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