My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
