I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Too much gin, very little bucket
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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