I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
