I got chris browned last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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