i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
