Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
