she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
