If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
