I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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