Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
