Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
