R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
