my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I won the penis lottery.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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