he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
