Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
