My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
