I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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