I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
