sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
