He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
