take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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