Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
