I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
