i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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